Do NOT Lift the Fig Newton-John Leaf

Does it annoy you when you see an old wrinkly man with a much younger, buxom beauty? The sugar-daddy portrait that you can't help but stare at and wonder "what in the hell is it to their relationship besides dollar signs". After reading a news headline from over the weekend, I will no longer give a passing glance.

At the beginning of this year, I began exercising on a regular basis again. As I am not one to participate in the annual 'promises meant to be broken' campaign, aka. New Year's Resolutions, it was more of a date of convenience, so it is more likely to stick. The point is that the exercising is performed on my terms and at my discretion. Most individuals are familiar with the stereotypical trainer. The one's that push their subjects to the brink of exhaustion and adhere to the cheesy slogans like "no pain, no gain" or "feel the burn". Although there is some truth to those idioms, taking them literally can only lead to major injury or worse...death. Just ask Mr. Mason. Oh wait, you can't...he's dead.

The case of 73 year old James Mason's death is a combination of personal trainer meets creepy buxom, as his wife, 41 year old Christine Newton-John allegedly killed him while working out in their Northeast Ohio pool. The creepy part is twofold: Christine not only changed her name to honor her idol Olivia Newton-John, she also changed her sex as she was formerly known as John Vallandingham.

Now if you can't get the image of a he/she dragging an elderly man, thirty years his/her senior, around a pool out of your head, you are lucky. I am stuck with an obvious transvestite, complete with leg warmers, head-band, and disco music, ala Xanadu sporting a crinkled grandpa in a papoose like below, branded in mine.

Oh yeah, BTW, the porkulus bill passed over the weekend due in part to our beloved Senator, Sherrod Brown's decisive 60th vote. My condolences go out to him and his family, but it is absolutely the wrong approach. We should be so proud.